~I've learned to live half alive~

[NIKKI LAKE]

The hardest part was forgetting.

It wasn¡¦t him that killed her. It was everything she thought he was. It was erasing every last trace of him from her mind, and still trying to breathe. She still didn¡¦t understand what this feeling was supposed to mean.

She didn¡¦t need him. She knew that much.

But it was the memories. It was thinking about what used to be, and trying to convince herself that it didn¡¦t exist¡Kthat it never existed. Leaving those emotions behind was almost physically painful. It was like losing the only thing that you could rely on. Like finding out that the sky is green, or that rain came from the ground. It turned everything you thought you knew upside down.

Nikki did not like this feeling.

Why was she doing this? She closed her deep blue eyes, tapping her fingernails on the wooden bench. It would have been better to just forget him and not ask for explanation. But how could she let him get away with this? How could she let him not explain to her? She had a right to know what had been going on, and she wanted these questions answered. Jasper had understood. He always understood. She sighed, a smile pulling weakly at the corners of her lips. Jasper was everything she could want. He treated her like a princess. He made her feel so loved, it was almost magical. It scared her that she wasn't content with this relationship.

Especially since it was so much healthier than her last one.

She hadn't been cautious enough. Now that she thought about it, the whole thing seemed stupid. Meeting at the beach, all of this love at first sight crap, kissing, and then a relationship the next week? A relationship that was months and months, and only led to pain. She and Jasper knew each other better than anyone else. They were meant to be together.

Nikki bit her lip, checking the time. 4:30 already. He was supposed to be here at 4. She laughed bitterly to herself. Any time! he had promised. We can talk. I won't be late. Just another lie, Seaton, she thought sullenly. When does it stop? How many lies can you tell?

This was it. If he didn't come in the next two minutes, she was done. She was through trying to waste her time for him. She didn't care if she had to hold this lovely conversation in front of every single person he knew. He would talk to her eventually. And he would not lie to her. Ever, ever again.

TAGGED seaton briggsWORDS . 430OUTFIT . what she¡¦s wearing in the picture with jeans ƒº

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MUSIC .Jar of Hearts- Christina Perri. LYRICS . the silence - mayday parade. NOTES . what you have to say. CREDIT . JURATE at CAUTION.
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[SEATON BRIGGS]

i'll wait here forever just to see you smile. 'Cause its true, i am nothing without you.
EVERYTHINGS NOTHING WITHOUT YOU

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through it all, i made my mistakes. i stumble and fall, but i mean these words.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]

[/i] about meeting up with Nikki’ it was the complete opposite, actually. He wanted to see Nikki very badly. It hurt more than anything to be without her. He was even starting to get physically sick every time he woke up to the picture of them together on his nightstand. Seaton stopped to sit down on one of the park’s benches, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

She was smiling in the picture, he remembered. Her beautiful, bright, amazing, perfect smile. And he was holding her in his arms. And they were at the beach. You could see the waves in the background.

Seaton extracted one of his hands and combed it through his untidy hair. Why couldn’t things go back to the way they were? All he had done wrong was love Nikki more than Audrey! What was so wrong about that? Why was Nikki the one complaining? If he had to worry about anyone, it should have been Audrey. She was the one he had neglected, not Nikki. So why was he doing this?

Shaking his head, he slumped back into the bench. It didn’t matter his Nikki saw it, he just wanted her back. Seaton sat up to review what he had planned to say to her. “Nikki,” he whispered to himself, “I’m really sorry for what I did. I should have told you about Audrey or just dumped her or... something. But I’m really, really sorry.”

It was rough, but he knew it would sound better at a normal volume. He cleared his throat in preparation for his favorite part: “Do you forgive me?”

How could she say no? Even with that Jasper what’s-his-face, Seaton obviously had the upper hand. And how was he even sure this Jasper guy existed? He could just be some fake boyfriend Nikki had dreamed up to get back at him. Seaton smirked, resting his elbows on the bench's back.

Oh, yeah. There was absolutely no way this could go wrong.

Smiling, he turned a lazy gaze towards a group of giggling teenage girls walking down the path. Putting on his must convincing coquettish expression, he made eye contact with one of the prettiest girls in the group and winked in her direction. The group immediately erupted in a new outbreak of giggles as they rushed past Seaton’s bench, clutching each other and taking amused glances over their shoulders.

Seaton chuckled, stretching leisurely as he watched the group of girls hurry away. He looked around for another girl, but only found an empty park. Bored now, he flipped open his phone and checked the time.

4:29. Oh, shit. Nikki.

Jumping up from his bench, Seaton whipped his head around in search of her face. She had to be somewhere! How big could this park be, anyway? He raced down one path and up another, all the while looking for any evidence of his ex-girlfriend. He was only a couple of minutes late! She had to still be there!

Coming to a stop, he rested his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. Craning his neck, he searched through the benches he could easily see. Coughing heartily, he lifted himself up into a standing position.

It was hopeless. He would never find her. He would just have to call her and tell her he got stuck in traffic or something. Pulling out his phone, he turned around to find an empty bench. But before he could dial Nikki’s number, he caught sight of bright blonde hair. He slid the phone back into his pocket.

“Nikki?” he asked, inching closer. “Nikki... is that you?” Shoving his hands into his pockets, he made his way cautiously around the bench.


TAGGED:[/color][/font] Nikki Lake
WORD COUNT:[/color][/font] 653 words
OUTFIT:[/color][/font] Jeans and a gray T-shirt
STATUS:[/color][/font] Finished!
CRED:[/color][/font] JESH @ CAUTION 2.0
NOTES:[/color][/font] Yeah, I know. It kind of sucks. But it's 12:27 and my mother was rushing me. :/ But it's done! :D
[/ul]

[NIKKI LAKE]

Nikki had already learned that trusting Seaton was a bad idea. Why had she put her faith in him this time? She'd been ditched, and it didn't surprise her. She suddenly felt an empty dread in the pit of her stomach, almost humiliated that she had put in the effort. What was everyone at home going to say when she came back, and had to tell them that he didn't even show? She had assured them that this was going to be fine. That she would have a nice, orderly discussion with him, and then be completely over everything. And then...he does this.

Nikki bit her lip, twirling a blond curl around her finger. She checked her cell phone. 4:32. The numbers made her cringe. Fine. He wasn't going to stay true to his word? She wasn't going to sit around like an imbecile.

However, just as she started to get up to leave...there he was.

Nikki almost gasped. For some reason, it made her happy just to see him, looking like the guy she used to think he was, with those honest eyes. It felt strange...not kissing him hello or hugging her arms around his waist. Sure, she¡¦d talked to him online after the breakup. But to be here, beside him, with this coldness between them...it was almost unbearable.

Nikki... is that you?

For some reason, he looked absolutely terrified. Like she might spring on him in fury any moment. But she wasn¡¦t really angry. Just sad. "Nikki, is that you?¨he had asked. As if he didn't know. Or perhaps he didn¡¦t even care anymore. In his mind, perhaps, there were just girls. There were beautiful girls, and ugly girls, and not one of them stood out to him.

"Who else would it be?¨ she sighed, trying to sound nonchalant. "Is it really that hard for you to distinguish one girl from another? Or do they all just look the same to you"

The last questions came out much bitterer than she¡¦d meant them to, but at least she had made her point. She pointedly glanced at her phone.

"Well," she said, trying to soften her tone a bit. "I'm not even going to ask why you kept me waiting here for a half an hour. I don't want to hear your excuses. So I'm just going to ignore that fact, and...carry on this...meeting like an adult.¨

Her voice broke a little on the last sentence. She was the older one here. So why did she always feel like a silly little kid when she talked to him?

"You should sit down¨

TAGGED seaton briggsWORDS 420. OUTFIT . what she is wearing in the picture with jeans
MUSIC .Jar of Hearts- Christina Perri. LYRICS . the silence - mayday parade. NOTES . ļ CREDIT . JURATE at CAUTION.

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[SEATON BRIGGS]

i'll wait here forever just to see you smile. 'Cause its true, i am nothing without you.
EVERYTHINGS NOTHING WITHOUT YOU

[/color][/font]
through it all, i made my mistakes. i stumble and fall, but i mean these words.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]

[/i]"

Seaton laughed, taking her response as a joke. "Well, I don't know! I just saw you from behind..." He trailed off after he saw the expression on her face. She wasn't joking. This chick meant business. He cleared his throat, indicating for her to continue.

"Is it really that hard to distinguish one girl from another? Or do they all just look the same to you?"

He just stared back at the girl standing before him, a puzzled expression on his face. What had happened to her? She was certainly not the same girl he had known a month ago. This girl was broken somehow. Like she had been cracked down the middle and glued back together. "N-no! I just... didn't see..." He took a small step forward, moving his hand a fraction of an inch in Nikki's direction. "Nikki?" he whispered, "Are you okay?"

But she was off again, this time talking sternly towards her cell phone. "Well, I'm not even going to ask you why you kept me waiting here for a half an hour."

"No! No, that one I can explain! Really!" He took another step forward, bringing him closer to Nikki than he had been in three weeks. He could feel the tremors starting up again, like they had when he and Nikki had been together. When he was holding her and kissing her and loving her. With tremors brought courage. He continued, "I was here! I've been here! It was just a group of girls that I was talking to--"

And poof, Nikki cut him off again. The tremors faded away into Seaton's chest as he slumped back into his normal standing position. She didn't care what he said. She was too busy talking herself.

THEN WHY THE HELL WAS HE HERE? He was supposed to be confessing his wrongdoings, right? He was supposed to be telling her how sorry he was! He was supposed to tell her to get rid of her imaginary boyfriend! He wanted her back!

So why wasn't she letting him talk?

"You should sit down." And she looked up at him expectantly.

He was staring again.

It was true. His deepest horror had been unleashed. Nikki Lake had gone completely insane. He wanted to hug her, pull her into his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. But he didn't. He couldn't. It was far too risky. What if she decided to get violent? No, it would just be safest to obey.

Seaton sat back slowly in the bench, keeping his eyes fixed on Nikki's face. He had done this before. He could handle it!

So why was he feeling so uneasy?

TAGGED:[/color][/font] Nikki Lake
WORD COUNT:[/color][/font] 471 words
OUTFIT:[/color][/font] Jeans and a gray T-shirt
STATUS:[/color][/font] Finished
CRED:[/color][/font] JESH @ CAUTION 2.0
NOTES:[/color][/font] words here!
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[NIKKI LAKE]

Nikki's eyes narrowed wearily. Just a group of girls I was talking to... Oh, he never did cease to amaze her. So she had been ditched for a half an hour for another girl. Or a whole group of girls. It shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did. After all, they weren't together. He could talk to whoever he pleased. Although she tried to ignore this empty feeling in her chest, it would not go away.

"Oh, and by the way," she said coldly. "I am okay. I am more okay than I've ever been. Thanks for asking."

She plastered a smile onto her face, trying to seem genuine. It was almost painful.

"So," she began. "I guess we should start with the basics. Firstly, I just want you to know that although I don't think I'll ever forgive you...I am over it. I am just really happy that we've moved on and everything. I mean, you're obviously not ready for a relationship, so that's fine. But now you get everything you've always wanted...to not be tied down. So I am very, very happy for you."

Nikki struggled not to scream. Why was she so angry with him? She'd definitely been through this stage before, and erased it from her mind. Every word she uttered just got colder as she continued. And then there were other emotions too....like the fact that she just wanted to cry and fall into his arms. And how she kind of, sort of felt sorry for him, the way his eyes were widening with confusion.

"The reason that I wanted to see you today, was so that I could get some closure," she continued. "I mean...well, I already have closure. But I just wanted to clear up some...misunderstandings. And since you seemed unwilling to even discuss with me while in front of other people...we're going to discuss it here."

She realized she was rambling, and she blushed. This didn't even sound real. It sounded like a speech, planned and recited.

"So," she stammered a bit. "First thing I want to know. Which one of us did you meet first? Which one of us were you with first? Did you honestly think you could get away with us not finding out? HOW did you keep us from not finding out? Did you have sex with her...?"

She took a deep breath, her eyes widening. First thing she wanted to know? She'd rambled off about SIX things, and she had barely realized she was doing it! She just wanted to know so badly.

"Oh and Seaton," she muttered. "Please...please don't lie to me."

TAGGED seaton briggsWORDS . 461
OUTFIT . what she¡¦s wearing in the picture with jeans ƒº

[/url]
MUSIC .Jar of Hearts- Christina Perri. LYRICS . the silence - mayday parade. NOTES . what you have to say. CREDIT . JURATE at CAUTION.
[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/center][/font]

[SEATON BRIGGS]

i'll wait here forever just to see you smile. 'Cause its true, i am nothing without you.
EVERYTHINGS NOTHING WITHOUT YOU

[/color][/font]
through it all, i made my mistakes. i stumble and fall, but i mean these words.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]

[/i]"

Wait. What? What had happened to, "Oh, Seaton! How could I have ever doubted you? I love you more than life itself! Pleeeeease take me back!" What kind of forgiveness speech ended with 20 Questions?

Seaton mulled over what had just appeared in his head, leaning back into the bench. Looking straight at the ground, he strained to both remember her questions and form his answers. "Well, uh... Audrey, Audrey, yes, careful planning, and... uh, no."

He looked back up at her, smiling. She wanted the truth? Well, there it was. And now it was time for her to fall back in love with him.

"So. Are you feeling better?" He slid across the bench, bringing his face closer to hers. "'Cause we can always pick up where we left off..." he whispered, slipping his hands around her shoulders. It felt good to touch her again, to have her so close. He kissed her cheek affectionately. "And your little Jasper isn't invited."


TAGGED:[/color][/font] Nikki Lake
WORD COUNT:[/color][/font]418 words
OUTFIT:[/color][/font] Jeans and a gray T-shirt
STATUS:[/color][/font] Finished!
CRED:[/color][/font] JESH @ CAUTION 2.0
NOTES:[/color][/font]
[/ul]

[NIKKI LAKE]

"Well, uh... Audrey, Audrey, yes, careful planning, and... uh, no."

So…it had been Audrey first. Nikki had been the “other girl.” It made her sad just to think about it…how she had hated Audrey. It was wrong of her, she’d realized only about a week ago. Audrey was just another victim.

One thing did surprise her though. He hadn’t slept with her. Or at least, he claimed that he hadn’t. Why?

Are you feeling better? ‘Cause we can always pick up where we left off…and your little Jasper isn’t invited.

WHAT?!

Nikki pried his arms off of her shoulders, her hand flying to her cheek in shock. This was…not happening.

“No!” she cried.“Really? Do you really think I came here to beg for you? Is that what you think? Because that’s not what this is! You are wrong!”

The words tumbled out of her mouth in a blind fury, her hands struggling not to tremble. She did not know how to react to this. How could she react? All she knew was that this made her terribly, impossibly angry…angry that he could think, even for a moment, that she was still in love with him. That she could just leap into his arms and forget that he was the one who’d made a mistake. Did he really believe that she was that stupid? Did he truly believe that that smile would work? That the very sound of his voice would make her melt, and that she’d just be another damsel in distress? Never again.

“We’re not going to pick up where we left off!” she sputtered. “Because do you remember where we left off? We left off with me realizing that I can’t trust you. And you are never going to change, Seaton. You are always going to be selfish and egotistical and downright mean! God forbid that I move on! God forbid that maybe there’s one girl in this world who doesn’t want to be your game anymore! Guess what? I have gotten over it. And maybe that’s not the thing you need to get over, Seaton. I think, that in order for you to ever know what love is, you need to get over yourself.”

Her voice broke off, out of breath. If only he could understand this pain. If only he wasn’t like this.

“You know what I hope?” she muttered bitterly, almost forgetting that she was speaking aloud. “I hope that one day, you do fall in love. I hope you fall in love with a girl so deeply, that it’s hard for you to live without her. And then I hope that girl breaks your non-existent heart. And then we’ll see how the great Seaton Briggs can handle that. Then we’ll see.”

TAGGED seaton briggsWORDS 447. OUTFIT . what she is wearing in the picture with jeans
MUSIC .Jar of Hearts- Christina Perri. LYRICS . the silence - mayday parade. NOTES . ļ CREDIT . JURATE at CAUTION.

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